


Catch Neither

by pantswarrior



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Action/Adventure, Bunnies, Gen, Humor, Pre-Canon, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-07
Updated: 2011-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-14 13:11:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pantswarrior/pseuds/pantswarrior
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A proverb says that he who chases two rabbits will catch neither. Two young Dalmascan knights are not having much luck either. Precanon goofiness featuring Basch and Vossler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch Neither

**Author's Note:**

> Although I loved just about everything about FFXII, the long-eared, fluffy-tailed, non-combative wild rabbits (some of which cast protective spells on the party!) were a highlight for me, having been a bunny owner for 20 years at the time. A discussion which led to the notion that "scruffy knights with tragic pasts need fluffy bunnies to snuggle" made me decide I should write a fic to this effect... except that the knights wound up not enjoying it very much. Sorry, guys.
> 
> Written in memory of the three buns I had owned prior to writing this. Since that time, I've had five more in my life, if some only briefly - and if I added in all the antics they'd gotten up to, this fic would go on forever. There are true stories from the first three in here, though. (And frankly, the ending is very reminiscent of the bun who's sitting next to me right now...)

It was shaping up to be a lovely day for a feast, by most people's standards. The sun was shining brightly - but then, it nearly always did in Rabanastre, and today it was made more comfortable by a soft breeze drifting through the courtyard, where Vossler was stationed for his shift. Further, he had been partnered with Basch fon Ronsenburg, and although Basch was a newcomer to the Order, Vossler judged him more than competent. Not that much competence was necessary at the moment, for they merely stood, observing the comings and goings of those among the nobility who had been invited, and occasionally checking the papers of youth who attempted to sneak in. All was going quite well.

Vossler's father, being a knight of much experience, had told him that he should be most wary in such times. It was difficult.

At the least, his father's warning kept him from being overly surprised when he spotted his commanding officer hurrying across the courtyard, a grim look upon his face. He was holding the hand of the young princess who, come to think of it, appeared to be leading him.

"Captain Lisba, sir," Vossler greeted him, straightening in his superior's presence despite the oddity, as did Basch. "What has brought you and the Lady Ashe to us here?"

The captain bit his lip. "We have... a bit of a problem."

Strangely enough, he looked more embarrassed than concerned, and Basch and Vossler exchanged glances. "Nothing serious, I hope," said Vossler.

"Nothing I would normally bother assigning a knight to," Lisba replied, "but it seems that... no one has yet succeeded. Her royal highness is quite insistent that something be done... as are the staff by now."

The princess nodded, her lower lip still stuck out in a pout. This was getting odder and odder by the moment. "About what, sir?" asked Basch.

"About my bunnies," the little girl at his side spoke up.

Again, Basch and Vossler exchanged glances. "...Your... bunnies, highness?" Basch inquired.

"A gift from the royal family of Nabradia a few months past," Lisba explained. "They brought a pair of wyrdhares from the Salikawood, prized for their soft pelts. King Raminas had intended to breed them for such, but the lady Ashe wouldn't hear of it."

"Wool is warm enough, and we don't have to kill for it," said the young lady in question, stern as if she were lecturing them all. "And the bunnies are cute, so I brought them inside."

"Which was all well and good, until her highness, er, decided to leave the cage door open."

"They were sad!" she insisted. "Would you not be sad, locked in a cage?"

The captain leaned down to speak to her. Clearly this argument had been repeated multiple times already. "Highness, to a bunny, a cage is a home. Like the palace is your home."

"But the palace is big - their cage is little. They were sad! And my father says that all desire freedom - even bunnies."

"Your father said this of bunnies?"

The princess shuffled her feet. "...Yes..."

Vossler dared not crack a smile as Lisba straightened, very obviously stifling a heavy sigh. "Anyhow, they have the entire palace for their home currently. They've been putting in appearances everywhere. In the larders, in the linens, in the loo - we pray that they do not decide to invite themselves to the banquet tonight."

"...I see." Beside him, Basch was also obviously stifling something, but it was not a sigh.

"So I'm afraid I must designate the two of you for this task," said the captain, his tone offering a subtle apology for the ridiculous assignment. "The rabbits must be found and captured."

"Unharmed," the princess added emphatically.

"Of course." Basch knelt down and took her hand, allowing his smile to show through. "You have my word, your highness. They shall return to you safely."

She inclined her head in a polite affirmation, looking much the better for the assurance, and older than her seven years. "My thanks, Sir fon Ronsenburg."

"Where were they last seen?" Vossler asked the captain.

"Not long past, a maid caught sight of one scurrying down the corridors on the ground floor. Perhaps by now they're busy exploring the audience hall." Lisba hesitated. "Are you certain that you can accomplish this, Basch?"

"Surely it will be no trouble," Basch said, standing again with a nod. "When I was a boy, I used to hunt rabbits for my family's dinner-"

"No!" Princess Ashe shrieked suddenly. "No, no! If you eat them, Sir fon Ronsenburg, I shall have you beheaded!"

"Of course, of course," Basch said quickly, holding up his hands in surrender, and this time it was Vossler who had to stifle a laugh. "These are a different sort of rabbit, I understand."

"More different than you might guess," said the captain. "The wyrdhares of the Salikawood grow large, and they're more intelligent than the common sort. Just as ours out in Giza, they've been known to use magicks, and some have been seen using potions and the like. Some say that they might have stolen such items from unwary travellers..."

"My bunnies are not thieves!" the princess protested, sounding quite offended.

"Nay, merely scavengers." The captain looked exhausted already, and it was not yet midday. "Sir fon Ronsenburg and Sir Azelas will treat them gently - won't you?"

"We shall do our best," Vossler affirmed with a nod. "Are there further instructions?"

"Nothing you could not likely guess, if you've chased small creatures before. You might wish to acquire a flour sack or two - they'll be useful for carrying the rabbits back, and perhaps you might manage to chase them into a sack of their own will, if you can trick them - your highness, please stop that whimpering, it will be for their own safety."

"A likely possibility - thank you," said Vossler, looking to Basch. "What say you?"

"It should be easier than taking them barehanded," Basch agreed.

"As you will, then," the captain said, dismissing them. "Do be careful."

Basch and Vossler exchanged another glance as the man left, with sulky princess in tow. "...Careful?" Vossler pondered. "When catching rabbits?"

"You'd be surprised what even an ordinary, run-of-the-mill rabbit can get up to," Basch informed him with a slight shrug. "To the kitchens first?"

"To the kitchens."

* * *

The kitchens, when they arrived, were in such a state of chaos that the two knights wondered if there had been some sort of attack. Cupboard doors hung open, their contents spilled out onto the floor; there were puddles of honey and oil splashed across counters, and a haze hung in the air. In fact, Vossler halted at the entrance, tensing to turn and go for assistance, and then sniffing. "Was there a fire?" He didn't smell smoke...

"No fire," grumbled a Seeq chef, fanning at the air with her very large apron. "Just a raid."

"A raid...?"

Nearby, two of the kitchen maids were kneeling, picking up pieces of fruit that had been scattered across the floor. "The strangest thing," one of them sighed as the other sniffled unhappily. "We'd finished slicing the fruits, and Jaanisa was arranging the platter, neither of us paying it much mind-"

"And then I reached back to take a few slices of pear from the bowl," Jaanisa put in, still sniffling, "and I touched something _furry_! I screamed, I thought it was a rat..."

"A rat in the palace kitchen..." The other girl sniffed. "As if such a thing would be allowed. Nay - 'twas a rabbit, sitting in the bowl as content as could be, munching on a bit of apple. When I tried to take it, though, the fuzzy little thing just laughed at me and ran off with an armful of fruit. Tipped over the bowl, too, and the platter got overturned in the commotion..."

"And it took so long for us to slice all that fruit!" Jaanisa wailed. "Now we have to do it all over!"

"Split open a bag of flour by jumping on it, too," the chef grumbled. "That's what all this mess is. Nothing to do for it but wait for it to settle, I suppose... We'll have to clean the whole place, top to bottom, once it does. Cursed beast..."

"Ma'am!" A girl on the other side of the room called to the chef. "It took the stew vegetables as well!"

"This is all we needed on a feast day..."

"Quite a coincidence," Vossler commented. "We've been contracted to track down the rabbits, and it was suggested to us that we might use a few of your empty flour sacks for the hunt."

"Take 'em," the chef said, gesturing to a corner by the rubbish bins. "Our blessings go with you - we'll never get this meal finished in time if they strike again."

"They?" Jaanisa looked up in alarm. "There's more than one?"

"I only saw one," said the chef, "and it headed that way, through the side door."

"My thanks," Vossler told her with a respectful nod of the head.

Avoiding any further grumbling about the state of the meal, the two knights retrieved one large flour sack each, and headed through the door that the chef had indicated, which led out to the square in front of the storehouse. "So the princess's rabbits are thieves after all," Basch commented.

"At least thus far they've only taken food. 'Tis odd, though," Vossler said thoughtfully. "Such a girl as the princess Ashe, brash and bold and more inclined to wooden swords than porcelain dolls... and yet now she takes to small, furry animals?"

"It's not so unexpected," Basch replied, surveying the square for any signs as to where the rabbit might have gone next. "My brother was well on his way to becoming the best swordsman Ivalice had yet seen, and he was the one who fed the scraps to the neighborhood cats with his own hands."

"...Mm." Basch had never spoken of a brother before, but Vossler would not ask what had become of him - he knew from which land Basch had fled, and what had happened there. Instead, he simply asked, "What was your brother's name?"

"His name was Noah." Basch's gaze was no distant than it had been, truthfully, but that was enough. Vossler said nothing more on the subject.

The silence did not last long before it was cut by a pair of nearly simultaneous screams from somewhere off to the east - the bathhouses. "Disgusting! You pervert!!" came a woman's cry. Both knights' heads jerked around to look, and spotted a man fleeing from that direction, entirely naked.

"You there!" Vossler bellowed, and the man gasped, ducking behind some crates and peeking his head out warily. "Stay where you are!"

"Yes sir, yes, yes," the man stammered, holding up his hands in surrender. He looked just as spooked as the women had sounded, and Vossler frowned. "I didn't mean any harm, I swear..."

"What precisely were you doing?" Basch called to him as the two advanced.

"N-naught but bathing," the man tried to explain. "I was relaxing in the hot water - when suddenly this horrible dripping monster emerged from the bathwater right before me! I-I didn't know what to do... so I fled! ...Right into the women's changing room..."

"...A horrible, dripping monster..." It fit the pattern so far, Vossler supposed. "I don't suppose it had long ears."

"Yes, and it made a terrible squeaking sound - one that would drive terror into any man's heart!" The man inched back among the crates as the knights approached to speak to him. "...And, ah, my clothes are still back there, sirs, if you don't mind..."

"Er, yes." They stopped where they were, and Basch looked to Vossler. "It does sound like our target," Vossler told him with a shrug.

Basch appeared to color slightly. "Perhaps we should give warning to the ladies before searching the area."

"...Good idea."

"Sirs!" the man called, as the two knights began to turn away. "If you please... my clothes?"

Vossler glanced at Basch - they didn't have time for this. With a shrug, Basch drew a dagger from his waist and slit the bottom of his flour sack. "Here," he said, tossing it to the man. "We're a bit busy at the moment."

"...And if we need that sack ourselves?" Vossler asked him with raised eyebrow, as the two of them made for the bathhouses.

"I'll get another. I daresay that man needed it more than we do."

Any reply Vossler could have made was preempted by another round of screaming. "Still in the bathhouses, it would - no, there!" Basch exclaimed, pointing at a round, wet shape that was bounding towards them at breakneck speed.

"I've got it," Vossler confirmed, throwing open the mouth of his own sack and making ready to head off the rabbit when it got close...

With a squeak, the rabbit jumped over the sack to land on his bracers, then up over his shoulder to land behind him and continue on its way.

"Oh no you don't," Vossler growled, whirling and diving to drop the sack over the creature - who turned to dash the other way. By the time Vossler had gotten to his knees to rise again, he felt furry paws galloping up his back, and suddenly his head was being used for a springboard as the rabbit went up and over with a tremendous leap.

Raising his head, Vossler gaped at the sight of the fluffy white tail disappearing around a corner. When he turned to Basch, however, his expression grew more stern. "...That was _not_ amusing."

"If you say so." Nonetheless, Vossler got the impression that the younger knight did not agree.

"Anyhow," he muttered, getting to his feet, "at least we've caught sight of it now. Let's follow."

"And to think," Basch murmured, "there are two of them."

Vossler was now certain that this was not going to be his day.

* * *

Being wet from the bath, the rabbit was leaving a convenient trail of water on the slick palace tile for the two knights to follow - and for young women to slip on, given the stiff slippers that were currently in fashion. After helping up the third young lady, Basch sighed and looked off in the direction of their unexpectedly hazardous trail. "I fear it has too much of a head start on us now."

"Perhaps, but what can we do besides follow?" Vossler pointed out, the plates of his armor clanking as they set off once more at a jog. "We did accept the assignment from the captain."

"And gave our word to the princess," Basch agreed. "I wonder, though, if this is the best way to go about it."

Vossler gave him a sharp look. "What would you have us do differently?"

"Simply chasing a rabbit has never ended well. 'Tis better, on a hunt, to set a snare - or to bait the creature and lie in wait."

Vossler considered this. "...We can hardly lay rabbit-snares around the palace, Basch. Particularly with so many noble guests arriving."

Basch nodded solemnly. "I admit, that was a drawback I had thought of as well."

Their pace had slowed, and finally they came to a halt. "True enough that this is getting us nowhere," Vossler acknowledged reluctantly. "...With what would you bait a rabbit?"

"Baiting rabbits seldom works, seeing as they favor the plants among which they live. A rabbit who comes upon some sort of special treat - grains, fruits, non-native vegetables - may stop for a time to feast upon them, however."

"Setting piles of food on the floor in the halls is unfortunately not a very good option," Vossler remarked.

"Besides, they've already stolen food enough, I imagine."

The two knights gazed off down the hallway, where the wet trail glistened. Both deep in thought, they stood there until roused by a startled shriek and a small crash in some distant adjacent corridor.

"...Piles of grain would be less dangerous to the noble guests than water," Basch noted. "Though even snares might."

"Go on, then, and I'll meet you at the kitchen," Vossler said with a nod, turning the opposite direction to go assist the latest victim of her fashionable footwear. "You needed another sack anyhow."

* * *

Despite the chef's talk of cleaning the place, the kitchen was in even a worse state than before when Basch arrived. At least, he suspected it was, from what little he could see through the billows of... He sniffed the air, then sneezed; yes, it was flour again. What with the wailing and the growled expletives sounding from somewhere in the mess, it truly did remind him of a small war zone.

"Your bandit's struck again!" Basch actually put his hand to his sword at the close exclamation, and the large shape that seemed to lunge at him from within the haze. "Came back for more, it did," the chef continued, "and this time wound up falling right into the flour when we were trying to shoo it away - tried to leap up on a bin, which just so happened to be open. Thrashed about like mad trying to get out, till the whole thing just toppled over."

"We're never going to finish in time!" Basch supposed that voice was Jaanisa again.

"Get to work, get to work!" the chef admonished her. "We can still make it if you don't waste time crying!"

"...If we could see..." came another voice, sullen.

"And if it doesn't do any more damage. Sir knight!" the chef said, turning back to Basch. "It headed that way, out into the hall, and only moments ago. You might yet overtake it!"

That was the way he had come, and he had seen no rabbit pass by him. Though puzzled, Basch nodded and dashed back out to the hallway, where he could see. Never mind the sack - he'd improvise, and he didn't want to waste time trying to find one in all that mess.

Sure enough, there were traces of flour on the floor, though they left a poorer trail than the water. Which was odd, he thought as he began to follow. A wet rabbit leaping into a barrel of flour should have left a trail of wet flour, not dry...

Unless, of course, this was the second rabbit. Basch had wondered how the rabbit they'd been chasing could possibly have gotten back to the kitchens so quickly. And aha - the dwindling trail of flour led up the stairs he had just passed by on his way to the kitchen. That explained why he'd not seen the thing.

After three flights of stairs, the trail had dwindled merely to occasional spots of white on the carpeted floors. ...Carpeted floors? Basch glanced up and realized that he'd come all the way to the hallway where the most prominent guests stayed when they were at the palace. Some rooms were already occupied, some had been readied for those who would arrive later today - and just beyond, up another flight of stairs, were the royal bedchambers. This did not bode well, Basch thought, but at least he had heard no shrieking from the guest rooms.

He spotted no more immediate dots of flour, so all he could do was glance into the rooms whose doors were open. He might search further if he saw nothing immediately out of place, but just a quick look into all for the time being...

It was odd, he noticed abruptly, that there were no guards along this corridor. When expecting dignitaries, usually a close watch was kept on this portion of the castle, and knights of his own order should have been keeping watch at the staircase at the end of the hallway. And yet there was not a single person in sight.

Except, as it turned out, a nobleman in one of the rooms, who looked somewhat nervous. "What was it?" he asked Basch.

"Naught but a rabbit." Why was it that no one in this palace had ever seen a rabbit before, Basch wondered? "You've seen it, then?"

"What? A... No - it's just that all the guards abruptly took off running." The man gestured down the hallway - in the direction of the royal chambers. "Someone shouted something about the princess."

Basch's eyes widened. Thoughts of chasing rabbits were suddenly the furthest thing from his mind. "Lady Ashe," he murmured, turning to dash back out into the hallway, heading for the stairs. If something had happened, he would not have been at fault - he'd been assigned far from this area of the palace - but if anything threatened the royal family...

He'd not gotten to the staircase before some of the guards appeared at the top, looking slightly disgruntled. "The young Lady Ashe," Basch called up to them. "Is she-"

"I think she wouldn't want to hear from you at the moment," one guard commented as he and the others seemingly began to return to their posts.

They didn't seem concerned, especially, though a few cast suspicious looks at him as they passed the now quite puzzled knight. One or two, on the other hand, looked as if they were stifling a laugh. "What happened?" Basch asked.

"The princess," one of the more wary guards informed him, giving him a dirty look, "apparently discovered the fate of one of her bunnies. She screamed, we came running."

Basch frowned slightly in thought. What could have happened in so short a time, and in this part of the castle? If nothing else, this was his assignment, and he ought to get the full story.

Upon ascending the staircase, Basch could hear the princess crying in her room. "Your highness?" he inquired from the doorway, finding her sobbing into her nurse's skirts.

The little girl looked up - and Basch thought as she started for him that he might never have seen such a fire in anyone's eyes outside of a fierce battle. "Milady!" the nurse exclaimed, barely catching hold of the girl. "I understand, but I'm sure it was an accident. You must not-"

"You gave me your word!" the princess wailed, aiming an accusing glare at Basch. "You and Sir Azelas said you wouldn't hurt them!"

Basch stared at the two of them. "...Your highness, Sir Azelas and I have hardly _seen_ them. We certainly haven't laid a hand on them." One of _them_ had laid a hand on Vossler, of course, but that was not relevant.

"No one else spoke of hunting them!"

"I swear," Basch began, helplessly confused. "I know not of what you speak. I've seen a rabbit but once today, and it was quite alive at the time."

Surprised, the nurse looked down at the girl in her arms. "Milady? What caused you to think that they had hurt your bunny?"

"I saw his ghost," Ashe said stubbornly. "Someone must have murdered Lord Flopsy, and who else was chasing him?"

"His... ghost, milady?" The nurse now looked entirely skeptical, and gave Basch a questioning look. He shook his head, every bit as baffled.

Ashe nodded firmly. "I saw him in my bedroom."

Basch and the nurse exchanged glances again. "...I'll have a look," said Basch, starting off for the adjacent room.

Normally, upon hearing of a ghost in the next room, Basch might have been more unsettled. His homeland had not the palings of Dalmascan cities, and he had seen a great many things after the war that the city-dwellers of Rabanastre would have dismissed as mere superstition. In this case, however, he had a feeling he knew what might be awaiting him, and was not quite so worried as to ready his sword.

Still, he was cautious as he peeked around the corner, taking in the princess's bedroom. Nothing much seemed out of place, except a faint trail of white on the floor, leading up to...

Just as he'd thought. There, sitting in the middle of the bed, was a rather unhappy-looking rabbit, trying to lick off the white flour that covered him from head to toe.

Basch tried not to laugh, and mostly succeeded. "Lord Flopsy is unharmed, your highness, aside from needing a bath," he called over his shoulder.

"Really?" Wide-eyed, Ashe ran up behind him. "Flopsy! What have you done?"

"He was looking for a snack in the kitchen earlier," Basch explained. How he wished all of a sudden that he'd picked up another sack - surely he could have managed to catch the rabbit now that it was within a single room. He still might, since it was distracted. "Your highness, if you would keep Lord Flopsy safe, stay at the door. I would ask you to be my flank - if Flopsy makes it past me, you must block him." Ever intrigued by the knights and their valor, Ashe brightened and nodded, watching closely as Basch advanced, silent as he could manage in his armor.

A step closer, and Basch could see the rabbit's whiskers, standing out dark against the dusty white fur. A step closer, and he could see the veins in its thin ears. A step closer, and he could reach out to touch it as it curled around itself, head turned downward to clean the flour from the fluffy fur below its chin...

His hand merely grazed soft fur as the rabbit launched itself into the air with a great leap. Caught off-guard, Basch almost lost his footing as he made a grab for it and missed, only to find the rabbit hurtling straight at him with another leap. A furry paw caught him in the temple with surprising force; another found his chin. Before the rabbit had landed, it managed a volley of blows to his chest that drove him to stumble backwards - and then fall, thanks to a powerful kick to the ribs from one of its strong hind legs.

Basch stared up in stunned disbelief as the rabbit landed atop him, struck a quick victory pose, and then scampered off towards the door. "Highness...!" he called in warning, trying to find his footing.

Unfortunately, the princess was every bit as stunned as he was, and simply stared as the rabbit bounded past her through the doorway with a triumphant squeak. "...Lord Flopsy... defeated Sir fon Ronsenburg?" Suddenly the princess smiled. "Perhaps Father will make him a knight too!"

That prospect did _not_ please Basch.

Nor was he pleased, as he chased the rabbit through the hallways a few minutes later, when he had the sense that something was missing. After a moment's thought, he discovered that it was the dagger he'd kept tucked through his belt. ...Just where one of the rabbit's punches had landed, or so he'd thought.

He grimaced. Now he would have to report to Vossler that one of the creatures was _armed_.

* * *

Under any other circumstances, Vossler would have been pleased at the dedication of the palace servants. By the time he'd returned to the kitchen, heard the latest tale of the rabbit's pillaging, and set out again to catch up with Basch... the maids had already begun mopping the floors of the hallways outside. This was excellent news for the young women about the palace, but not such good news for Vossler, as it left him with no trail to follow and not a clue as to where Basch might be.

Well, there were two rabbits, he reasoned, and two of them. It was unlikely that the rabbit they'd been chasing previously had been able to loop around to get to the kitchen again in so short a time, so Basch had likely gone after the other one, if it had left so shortly before his arrival as the chef had said. Not that it mattered so much if it was a different rabbit or the same. Either each of them chased a rabbit and they finished their task independently, or they would wind up chasing the same one and catch up with each other. Vossler opted to continue on from where he'd left off before, since he knew what direction the trail of water had been leading.

Diligent as the maids were, the trail was a long one, though growing weaker as the rabbit dried off. Vossler picked it up again after a short time, and followed it until he could see it no longer.

Fine, he thought. They were intending to bait the rabbit from here on out anyway, not chase it. Before leaving the kitchen, he'd picked up a little sack of grain, so the question was... where to leave the bait. Vossler considered. If he was a rabbit, where would he go?

...Vossler very quickly determined that he was not so imaginative as he'd been in his youth; he couldn't imagine himself as a rabbit in the least.

The kitchen had been raided by a rabbit twice now, however. They might try again, or they might try a bigger target - the nearby storehouse. Somewhere between the two could be a good spot. Now, to get to work...

Though aware of the odd looks he was getting from passers-by, Vossler dutifully began pouring out a pile of grain in the square, not too far from the crates which had hidden another man from sight not long past. It would provide a decent enough hiding place for him now, he supposed, as he waited to strike.

He knelt there, among the crates, for what seemed like a very long time. Nothing happened. Simply putting out the bait might not have been enough to get the rabbit's attention.

It did, however, get the attention of Basch when he walked into the square, glanced around, and happened to spot it. His eyes went to Vossler's hiding place immediately. "That would explain why the quartermaster said he'd spotted you hiding among some crates in the square."

Vossler hoped he was not blushing as he stood. He'd have explained to the quartermaster, had he seen him. "Have you had any luck?"

Basch shook his head. "I tracked one to the princess's chambers, but it got away." He averted his eyes. "...With one of my daggers."

Vossler looked sharply at Basch, at this admission - and was somewhat bewildered by what looked like a bruise on his jaw. He nearly asked, but then decided that the rabbits probably _could_ do that, given how high the one had leapt from his head. "I was unsure where a trap might best be laid. Do you have a better suggestion?"

"Nay, I'd have guessed they'd be back to the kitchens or the storehouse myself," Basch muttered. "Beyond food and freedom, I couldn't say what they might be after."

Freedom, was it...? Vossler considered. "You don't suppose they might try to leave the palace, and the city altogether."

"We should be so lucky - I fear 'tis their fate once they're recaptured."

"'Twould save us much trouble," Vossler agreed, "and we'd all be that much happier for it."

"Save the princess," Basch put in.

"...Yes, the princess," Vossler acknowledged. "Anyhow, would you bait them elsewhere, or should we try a new tactic? We accomplish nothing by standing here and talking."

"I agree," Basch said with a nod. "We might as well go have a look around the palace again. Though..."

His uncertain look puzzled Vossler. "Though...?"

"I cannot help but wonder," Basch pondered, "if they simply knew you were here all along... and have been watching _you_."

Vossler stared at him. "...Basch. They're rabbits."

"And underestimating the opponent is a fool's mistake - one that should not be made even during the most minor of operations."

"Rabbits," Vossler repeated.

"Either way, there is nothing to be done about it if that is the case," Basch reasoned, seemingly ignoring what Vossler felt was a very logical point about this minor operation. "If they're waiting to mount an attack until after we've gone, then we will not see so much as a whisker. There is no reason to keep this vigil."

"Fair enough," sighed Vossler. "So - we start on the outer edges and work our way inward. Shall we split up?"

Basch shook his head. "Then we would each be left without backup, should they pull one of their tricks."

" _Rabbits_ ," Vossler insisted. He was feeling very tired. "Very well. Let us start the search here, then, behind the storehouse."

As he turned at Basch's nod to head in that direction, a glint of metal on the ground caught his eye, and he looked again. "...A knife?" Closer inspection, as he went over to have a look, revealed that it looked familiar. "Basch, is this not yours?"

Looking wary, Basch approached also, looking down at the dagger that lay upon the cobblestone. "...It is. I - Vossler!" he exclaimed in warning, whirling about, and Vossler followed suit, instinctively pulling a dagger from his own boot as he rose to turn.

A soft, fuzzy weight struck him full in the face, and the dagger clattered to the ground as he tried to grab for the creature. It leapt away just as Basch dove for it - and Basch accidentally dropped the sack over Vossler's head instead. Another furry blur shot by their feet, and when they got their bearings again, they saw the two rabbits, each with a dagger's hilt in their mouth as they scampered off at full speed towards the palace proper.

"...What was that?" Vossler mumbled, completely stunned and still half beneath the flour sack.

Basch stared after them as well. "It would appear... they've managed to successfully bait _us_ , and acquire another weapon."

Vossler gritted his teeth. It was a shameful enough thing to be outwitted by an enemy soldier, but by rabbits? "After them!" he shouted, and took off running. "If we should lose them again..." He did not want to think about what would happen next. Nor did he want to think about the thoroughly odd looks they were getting from the servants as they raced towards the palace.

* * *

"There is no other way in or out?" Basch inquired quietly of Vossler. The Azelas family had served the Dalmascan royal family for generations - Vossler knew the palace far better than he.

Vossler nodded, eyes intent on the door to the armory - heavy, reinforced with iron, and standing slightly ajar. "There is but one entrance." His eyes flickered self-consciously downwards for a moment. "...I should like to know how it came to be unlocked, but I don't imagine I would care for the answer."

"Another theft, perhaps."

"And how would a rabbit reach the lock to turn the key?"

To this, Basch had no answer. "However it happened, it is done. Let us now concern ourselves with the matter of capturing them. At the least, they've taken to a room from which there can be no escape. One of us should remain by the entrance to be sure."

"You claim to have more knowledge of these creatures," Vossler muttered. "I shall guard the door while you go in after them."

"That is acceptable." Even so, Basch wondered if the damage done in his earlier encounter with Lord Flopsy was beginning to show. "Have your sack ready," he suggested, edging towards the door. "They may be expecting us."

Vossler nodded, adjusting his grip, and Basch kept his own flour sack low to the ground, so that he might scoop up an unwary rabbit if it tried to dash past him out the door. He nudged it open with one foot, slowly, cautiously... There was no sign of an escape attempt, and so he gave Vossler a nod and stepped inside.

The armory was a large dim room, filled with shelves and lined with hooks and racks, displaying not only the armor and weapons used by Dalmasca's present knights, but knights of generations past, as well as some plundered from enemy forces or given by allies. An impressive collection, to be certain, but at the moment Basch could think only that there were far too many small places in this room where a rabbit might hide. He glanced at the shelves that faced the doorway, at rows of gauntlets and greaves. He glanced over them again, just to be sure that his eyes were not passing over a rabbit sitting on the shelves as well, and then went on to the next aisle.

In an empty spot between two helms, he found a pile of vegetables. So they'd been there... but they had gone. Likely they were lying in wait somewhere in this room, he thought warily, watching him and waiting, just as they had with his dagger.

He whirled suddenly, hearing a soft scratching sound that seemed to come from the far end of the shelving. He saw nothing, and the sound ceased as quickly as it had begun.

Basch was rather irritated with himself for suddenly being very nervous.

He continued his search of the armory, turning occasionally upon hearing little scuffling sounds that may have been claws on the stone tile floor, but found no further clues. His impression was that they were moving around to avoid him, though the echoing off stone wall and floor and ceiling made it impossible to determine their exact locations at any given time. He could not ask Vossler to come in so that they might search in tandem, though; the risk of the rabbits' escape was too great.

At last he found himself before the pile of vegetables again, trying to think of what he might do with this clue. He pondered for some time... until one of the helms beside it began to move. Frozen in surprise and then in bewilderment, he watched it wobble, thudding lightly against the wooden shelf, as it inched its way towards the pile of vegetables. That made it clear enough - though, wasn't it a bit small for a rabbit to fit inside? Well, he had seen rabbits fit into very small places. He began to reach for the helm with one hand, bringing the sack up with the other.

A shrill, eerie sound from somewhere nearby scattered his concentration, and when he turned to look, he stumbled backwards in alarm, knocking over assorted armor pieces with a clatter. Against the wall at the end of the aisle stood a full suit of plate, Archadian issue - now rattling, and glowing from inside with a blue light as it began to lurch forward.

"Basch?" Vossler called, hearing the clatter.

Drawing his sword instinctively, Basch backed away as the plate mail lurched forward towards him menacingly - and then toppled forward gracelessly. The pieces fell apart as it landed, and the helm with its faceplate rolled across the floor to land at Basch's feet. When he looked up from it, he found a head sticking out from above the breastplate, just where a head should be - except that this was a small, furry head with long ears and whiskers.

"I found one," Basch shouted back, quickly regaining himself and snatching up the flour sack again. Immediately the rabbit sprung from within the armor, trying to get past him, but Basch had already lowered the sack over the opening in the armor. "And now I've captured one," he called, quickly closing the mouth of the sack and scooping up the struggling rabbit within.

The sound Vossler made in response was not an exclamation of relief or congratulations - it sounded as if the other knight had been hit rather hard. Basch supposed he knew what that meant, even before Vossler called out. "...Found the other-" His exclamation was cut off by a loud thumping sound.

"Vossler?" Basch started back towards the doorway, where he could hear the sounds of a fight that would not have sounded nearly so impressive, had he not known that one party involved was a rabbit. He paused at a wriggling in the sack he carried, and after a moment's indecision, hung it on an empty hook on the wall before continuing on his way. He didn't have time to tie it closed, but that should suffice for a little while.

"It's coming your way," Vossler shouted in warning. "Careful - this one's armed!"

Sure enough, a rabbit shot past Basch's feet, one of the stolen daggers gleaming between its teeth. He could easily have caught it, had he had another sack, but with only his bare hands it was not so simple; anticipating its attempt to leap over his hands, he managed to grab it around the waist with a feint, but that lasted only until the rabbit turned its head, dropped the dagger, and sank its incisors into the flesh between his thumb and finger. With a shout - that hurt more than it was fair to hurt - he accidentally let go, and the rabbit dashed off again, grabbing the dagger in the process. Basch followed, and found his progress hindered by trying not to step on the assorted poleyns and greaves that the rabbit was kicking off the lowest shelves as it went.

When he managed to catch up, having followed the trail of scattered armor halfway around the armory, he found the rabbit perched below the flour sack containing the one he had captured, looking up... and slicing through the bottom with the dagger. "Oh no you-" Basch began, but the rabbit leapt away as he lunged for it - and the other tumbled out from within the now-sundered sack to follow. He cursed loudly and went after them. If they should both go after Vossler at once, at least one would surely escape.

...Especially if, as it seemed, the door was wide open and Vossler was nowhere in sight. The two rabbits bounded towards it, dodging the pieces of armor that now littered the floor. "Vossler!" Basch called, desperate, but it was too late - they were less than a pace from the door...

Just as they leapt through, there was a swish of white burlap, and with startled squeaks, the rabbits both found themselves both scooped up in a single motion.

Basch stopped short, skidding to a halt to avoid running head-on into Vossler as he stepped into the doorway with a grim smirk and a wiggling, squeaking sack. "As I said," he stated. "Naught but rabbits."

Basch was not likely to let him get away with being so smug. "Rabbits which left scratch marks all over your face and arms," he pointed out.

Vossler's smirk did lessen just a bit. "Regardless, our mission is accomplished. Let's report to the captain, and take the rabbits to the princess."

"After we find some bandages," Basch suggested, eyeing the wound on his hand, which still bled. "And perhaps pick up in here. The captain will not be pleased if we report in without having cleaned up this mess."

"...I suppose that is a good idea."

* * *

"Lady Mopsy!" the princess exclaimed, holding the sulky rabbit up for close examination. "You're bleeding!"

Basch cleared his throat. "That... would be _my_ blood, your highness."

Vossler might have laughed, if he'd any business doing so when he also had a multitude of small wounds which had caused Captain Lisba to look at him very strangely when they'd approached him. Further, he had an ache in the back of his neck, possibly from staring down along the ground for so long, and did not feel much like laughing. So instead, he passed along the information he had been asked to pass along by the captain, who had been asked by several of the palace servants. "It has become abundantly clear today, your highness, that the rabbits should indeed not be confined to a cage. However," he clarified at once, seeing her smile of delight, "a palace does not make a good home for them either. They deserve freedom, and no doubt desire their homeland." Beside him, still carrying the other rabbit, who had flopped in resignation in his arms, Basch nodded.

Ashe's face fell, but she considered for a moment. "...I suppose you're right," she admitted. "Even if I had to live on the streets, I would not want to leave Rabanastre - even to live in a different palace. But they're so cute..."

"Perhaps we can go to Giza now and then," Basch suggested, "and watch the bunnies there."

"I suppose..." Ashe sighed, and squeezed Mopsy a little tighter. "But if you're going to take Lord Flopsy and Lady Mopsy back to Nabradia, Nibbles should go with them. He's still little."

"...Nibbles?" Basch asked, and he and Vossler exchanged glances. Vossler felt his stomach sink.

"Lady Mopsy's baby."

"Let us be clear, your highness," said Vossler, far more calmly than he suddenly felt. "There is a third rabbit."

The princess nodded. "He looks just like them, but smaller. And his tail isn't so big. I think it'll get a lot bigger as he grows up. Oh - and his fur is softer, probably because he's a baby."

"...Excellent. If you'll excuse us, then," Vossler told her, with a look to Basch, who nodded and put Flopsy in the cage, closing the door securely. "We'll go and find him. Until we do, keep a close eye on his parents. We wouldn't want them to get hurt before they can return home."

She nodded again, very firmly. "I'll keep them right here."

Basch said nothing for quite some time as he and Vossler headed back down the stairs from the princess's chambers, and when he finally spoke, it was with resignation. "Do you suppose the captain knew? He didn't specify how many there were _now_ , only that Nabradia had brought a pair."

"It doesn't matter," Vossler replied. "If there is another rabbit, we must capture it."

"I am aware of this," Basch sighed. "Come to think of it, I might have known."

"Oh?"

"In the armory, _something_ was moving under a helm which I thought at first was too small for a wyrdhare to fit beneath. Another rabbit appeared then, and I assumed that the one beneath the helm must have escaped to face you while I was distracted."

"Hnnn. Do you think it's still in the armory, then?"

Basch nodded. "It is a young rabbit, likely timid. If you'll recall the vegetables on the shelves among the armor - the helm in question was beside them. Nibbles is probably feasting on them at this very moment."

"I doubt it," Vossler replied. "I took care of them as we were picking up all the armor."

Basch met his eyes, the both of them coming to the same unpleasant conclusion. "...Then the rabbit could be anywhere."

"This might take some time," Vossler muttered. "I don't suppose it fights so well as its parents, at least."

"It is difficult to say," Basch said, continuing on their way down the corridor, and Vossler followed. "Young rabbits frequently have sharper claws, and are harder to take hold of."

"... _Sharper_ claws?" Vossler rubbed at the bandages on his temples and arms, glancing absently out a window. "I see the fun has only begun."

Unexpectedly, Vossler found himself bathed in a soft blue light, and felt the solidity of a protective spell settling into place around him. "Very amusing," he grumbled, looking ahead at Basch.

Basch wasn't even looking in his direction. "What is?" he asked, glancing back at Vossler. Suddenly he stopped walking and went very still. "Vossler... don't move."

"What is it?" Vossler asked - just before he heard a playful, yet somehow very ominous, chittering noise right behind his left ear.


End file.
